Your Mine
by SexySoupMaid11
Summary: Ben leaves jimmy behind,things were said hearts where shattered but will jimmy still be waiting for him when he comes back? Sorry if summary's bad not very good at them tbh but please read!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers:I do not own any of the characters in this fic and never will own falling skies (if I did jimmy would never have died) there is strong language, self harm and possessive actions threw out, if any of this displeases you feel free to exit now.

enjoy!

* * *

"Ben you can't just…you can't just come back and try to be apart of my life!" Jimmy turns away, walking back into his assigned room halfheartedly swinging the door shut behind him. Ben puts his foot in the door and steps in the room after him.

"Jimmy I-"

"You WHAT?! Ben?" Jimmy was yelling so loud his voice echoed off of the walls in the small living space. Ben knitted his brows together and stepped back. He'd never seen Jimmy so upset before, so angry. Not that he didn't have a right to be.

"You really fucking think, that after all this time you can just show up and I'll be here waiting for you!? Well guess what Ben I-"

Ben interrupts, "Jimmy if you would just fucking listen!"

Jimmy takes a step towards Ben and looks him in the face, his eyes glassy with oncoming tears. "Oh, so…so now you're ready to speak? It took three months for you to actually WANT to talk Ben? For you to decide you want me as badly as I want-wanted you?"

Ben licked his lips and looked away. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. He had left The Second Mass. He wasn't good for Them. Not good for His Dad, Hal, Matt, Rick, Weaver…shit even Pope. But most of all he wasn't good for Jimmy. Jimmy was too young, they both were,he didn't know what he wanted. Sure he said he wanted Ben; he'd even said he loved Ben. He wasn't speaking with his brain; they where just hormonal teenagers saying whatever they needed to say, to keep what they felt like they needed.

But Ben needed Jimmy. The two Months he stayed away were torture. He couldn't sleep, he was never hungry. He was even more moody than he already knew himself to be. Lashing out at any, and everything around him. He left Jimmy to make things better for him, give him a chance at a semi normal life, but only made things worse for himself. So he came back, he knew Jimmy would be waiting for him.

Apparently he was wrong.

"Ben, I don't want to talk. I cried and I begged you to talk to me…to stay with me. And you made a choice leave. Told me I had to move on because you didn't love me. So…" he looked down and his angry tears fell "I moved on, like you told me Ben".

"In two Months Jimmy? See…" he turned and began walking towards the door "I knew I wasn't what you needed…I was right."

jimmy wiped his red puffy eyes and threw his hands up in the air.

"What Ben? You told me to move on from you. You said…you said, that you didn't love me!" that we'd never be together." His body shook with those last words, the veins in his arm bulging as he flexed his fingers.

"Yeah. And I guess I was right…" Ben opened the door and was going to leave before Jimmy said something that burned him up inside. That made him slam the door and stomp back over to stand in front of the younger man.

"You- you fucking bastard…I- I waited a whole two months for you to comeback." Jimmy's fists balled up at his side and he looked away. "You fucked me. And left. When you didn't comeback-I…I gave up…on everything."

"You did what?" Ben said green eyes burning with anger. Jimmy wouldn't.

"I was broken Ben…you shattered me…into a thousand pieces" Jimmy tried to turn away and Ben grabbed his shoulder pulling him back. "What did you do Jimmy?"

Jimmy rubbed his wrist and shook his head. "Just go Ben…fucking go".

Bens eyes zeroed in on his wrist, he grabbed Jimmy's arm and lifted the sleeve of his shirt up. Jimmy had a wide lengthy scar going across his wrist. It was completely healed and wasn't pigmented. But the skin was risen and would always be that way. Ruined.

Jimmy snatched his arm away and frowned at Ben. "Get the fuck off me!"

"Jimmy, what the hell did you do!" Ben shouted pointing to Jimmy's wrist.

A different voice broke through the bubble Jimmy and Ben had created around themselves.

"What's going on here?"; a tall, short haired, blonde young man who looked to be around the same age as jimmy was standing in the middle of the door holding a gun to his chest. His muscles were bulging slightly at his shirt from holding the gun a little to hard. If anything he would say they where brothers, His dark Green eyes narrowed back and forth between Ben and Jimmy.  
'Guess some things never change' Ben seethed Bitterly to himself, Glaring holes into the other boy.

"Nothing, he was just leaving" Jimmy, said sniffling and wiping his eyes. "Goodbye Ben."

Ben wiped his face in frustration and folded his arms. "Is this him Jimmy? What you've moved on to?" he said nodding his head towards the young man who was still standing in the door way. A slight draft blew by and Ben growled deep within his chest. He had smelled something different about jimmy but ignored it seeing as though he'd been gone for two months. But when he caught the same scent, but slightly stronger, coming from the young man, he felt challenged.

"Ben don't" jimmy whispered looking up from under his wet lashes trying to calm Ben down, knowing Ben was much stronger then the other bold if things got ugly.

"Who the fuck are you?" Ben asked the young man who was now placing the gun over his shoulder.

"Whoa, ok. I'm Connor. And who the fuck are you?" Connor retorted folding his arms

"Connor just…Connor could you go to the mess tent or somewhere for awhile?" Jimmy almost whispered, solemnly smiling in his direction.

"No. Who's this guy and why are you crying? Did he hurt you?" Connor walked over to Jimmy and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling his back into his chest. Bens eyes followed every movement. "Are you ok?" he mumbled in Jimmy ear.

Ben grabbed Jimmy's arm and snatched him out of Connors embrace. Connor stumbled back in shock and Jimmy had clearly had enough snatching his arm away again.

"I'm not yours anymore! Don't you fucking see? I've moved on! You wanted me to and I did it. You can't come back and decide when you want things to change. You had me and you let me go. Please leave!" Jimmy was breathing heavily and Ben could hear his heart beating a mile a minute.

"You really want me to go?" He exhaled looking in Jimmy's furious eyes, still as blue as he remembered even with them stained a slight red. He was no longer holding back his tears; they were streaming down his face as he nodded at Ben.

"Please go"

Ben looked at Connor who was back to holding his Jimmy and kissing the back of his head and glared at him; Connor returned his glare and held his Jimmy close.

"You're still mine" he whispered before turning and walking out the door slamming it behind him.

* * *

Fin? Maybe I'm not sure.

Like i said was my first time so go easy please, if you like it so far leave a review to let me know what you think and if you want an update.  
So for now see you around I guess:)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimers:

I do not own any of the characters in this fic and never will own falling skies,there is strong language and possessive actions threw out, Part jimmy/Connor if any of this displeases you feel free to exit now.  
Be warned Rating may go up!  
enjoy!

-

It had been a couple hours since Ben showed up. Jimmy had cleaned himself up and was now cleaning out the guns holding room with Connor.  
Connor always helped him with stuff like this, he could clean like it was no ones business.

"Jimmy could you pass me the boxes?" Connor asked not looking away from the rifle he was fixing up.

"Mhm" jimmy mumbled his mouth full of an salvaged cinnamon roll he had snuck. Connor hated when he ate junk food. But come on. It wasn't anyone would notice. Connor brought his eyes to jimmy and frowned but it slowly slipped and brightened into a white smile.

"Jimmy…come on, were almost done"

Jimmy nodded and took another bite before throwing the raper in the bin .

"It's gone. It's gone" he said mouth full and hands up in a surrendering gesture.

Connor brought his bright green eyes down to Jimmys mouth and snorted "You missed a spot".

Jimmy began to bring his hand up to wipe his mouth but Connor stepped forward pulling his hand down, trapping Jimmy between him and the counter. Licking the bit of ice cinnamon off of Jimmys' upper lip and sneaking a kiss. Jimmy' cheeks flushed pink and he looked away. Connor frowned.

"What's wrong?" he asked

"Nothing…" He went to move but Connor kept him trapped between his body and the counter.

"Jimmy…it's not nothing. We still haven't talked about it" he said, green eyes staring deep into Jimmys' crystal blue.

Jimmy gaped rapidly before shutting his mouth and scratching his head, his longer hair feeling soft and comforting under his fingertips.

"Talk about what? We have nothing to talk about. Yup. Nothing" he tried to close his eyes to avoid Connors kicked panda eyes. Because kick pandas were definitely a thing.

"Jimmy. Who was that guy? I gave you time alone and now it's time that we talk about it." Connor said, sounding anxious.

"Connor, I…don't worry about it ok, just…could you move?" he asked at last opening his eyes, staring up into the taller mans soft gaze.

"Jimmy I'm not moving until you tell me who he was. Is…was that Ben?" Jimmy felt a shiver go down his spine. He scratched the back of his neck and looked away.

"Connor, please not now…"

Connor exhaled through his nose and moved off of Jimmy,Jimmy's eyes narrowed as he noticed Connor was heading for the door. He rushed up to stand in front of the door before Connor could reach it.

"And where do you think you're going? Just because-fuck-…just because I'm not in the mood to discuss things right now?"

"Jimmy you have never 'been in the mood' to discuss things about him" Connor spat out the last word like a bad taste in his mouth.

"Even after we got together, you still never told me about your past relationship, everyone seems to know about it but me. The person who's dating you." he scowled slightly. Jimmy was beginning to rub off on him.

Connor it's a long story" Jimmy sighed feeling the tears prickling at the back of his eyes. He really didn't want to cry again. But not wanting to almost seemed to make it worse.

"I'm willing to listen" Connor said holding up Jimmys' chin to look in his eyes "I want to listen"

Jimmy bit his lip and pulled his head away. He could feel his stomach churning. His heartbeat was picking up speed and his skin was itching with the forewarning of oncoming sweat.

"Connor-fuck-...he hurt me ok?Really bad, he broke me. And-" his voice cracked and he looked down. He really really didn't want to cry again, but his body was betraying him. He rubbed his foot around in the imaginary dirt below him.

"And what?" Connor asked, he really actually cared. Jimmy felt his breath shortening; he didn't want to lose anyone else. Jimmy looked up, his eyes red and puffy again.

"And I didn't want to talk about it with you. Because…even though he hurt me…destroyed me, I still love him" he moved from in front of the door and started walking towards the shelfs on the other side of the room, stopping in the by the tables to wipe at his eyes.

"I'll understand your decision to leave me if you want. You deserve better. You're an amazing guy…and gosh, you're almost perfect. And you're exactly what I need-" Jimmy paused.

"But I'm not what you want…" Connor finished for him. Jimmy felt hands wrapping around his waist and supple lips against his neck. He inhaled and exhaled slowly. He shook his head and slowly pulled Connors hands off of him.

"You don't have to stay. You shouldn't stay" Jimmy said calmly turning to face Connor. God he's so perfect… Jimmy thought to himself.

"I want to stay Jimmy" Connor grabbed his shoulders and nuzzled the top of his head. "I don't care if you don't want me, you need me. And hopefully after some time you'll want me too. Jimmy…I'm in love with you". Connor pulled him in closer. Jimmy felt a single tear slide down his cheek. But it wasn't for him.

No matter what Connor did it would never be good enough, Jimmy knew he would never love him. Could never love him. He'd never stand a chance. He'd end up just like Jimmy. Broken. Bruised…and shattered.

Broken. Bruised…and shattered.

-

Thankyou for the reviews:) hope you liked.  
See you soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Jimmy is about to fall asleep when he hears a familiar knocking on his door. He smiles to himself he knows who it is, He gets up to go let Ben in. It's pretty late, around two in the morning. He was talking to Felix most of the night, well, until felix decided to go creep on lourdis. He opened the door and turned to go back to his bed.

A hand grabbed his arm and spun him around; a rough hard kiss assaulting his lips. His brows almost made to crash together with how fast they knitted. He finally realized what was happening and he pushed back into the kiss. He felt a tongue, _ben's tongue_, lick across his lips demanding entrance and he opened his mouth. He sucked and kissed into ben's warm mouth. Not knowing what to do with his hands he wrapped his arms around bens's neck. ben ended the kiss with a slight lick and tug on his bottom lip.

Jimmy unhinged his arms and stepped back, he rubbed his lips softly with the pads of his fingers. They were puffy and sensitive. He licked his bottom lip and looked quizzically at ben.

"What was that for? What's the occasion? Like, I know I'm like…_irresistible_ and everything but, that was totally out of character. Not that I'm complaining because god it was incredible" he flailed his arms around and fell backwards on his bed. He sat back up after he noticed ben hadn't said anything since he came in.

"ben?" ben was looking out the window into the woods facing towards jimmys room. Just standing there like a statue. jimmy got up and rubbed a hand gently up over bens spikes. "You ok?"

ben turned around and cupped jimmys' face in his hands, staring into his eyes. They stayed like that for a while. Staring into each others eyes. jimmy looking worried and ben his typical indecipherable expression. A moment later ben was kissing him again, but this time it was soft, sweet. He was lightly kissing jimmy on his chin and jaw line, then back to his lips; all while taking steps forward, jimmy cooperatively stepping backwards until they fell into his bed.

Any other moment jimmys mind would be going a mile a minute. He and ben had made out before, but never like this. This meant something, this was more than one of their typical exchange of kisses. He exhaled shakily when he felt bens hand slide into the back of his jeans and squeeze his ass. Almost as if he was on auto-pilot he undid his pants and pulled them off. During that ben must have found time to remove his top and jacket, but jimmy never felt his lips leave.

ben was now kissing down his jaw trailing down to his neck and licked his collar bones. He slid his hands into bens hair pulling his head back up and kissed him until ben slipped back down kissing down his sternum to his navel. He let out a slight moan and turned his head away.

"ben…I…I don't"

"Shhhh…"

"ben. I don't know if"

ben looked up from were he was tracing over the slight definition on jimmys abdomen and reached up to turn jimmys' head to his gaze. "Do you trust me jimmy?" it was almost a whisper. jimmy nodded and felt the tears in his eyes. _Why am I crying?_ "I - i trust you ben".

-timeSkip-

ben fell back into the pillows on the bed and jimmy got up to wipe himself off. When jimmy returned he climbed into bed and placed his head on bens chest, trailing his fingers around the carves of bens chest and abs. "I love you" he said turning to look up at ben. He was practically grinning from ear to ear. bens frown wiped it off his face.

"ben, what's wrong?"

"You need to stop saying that"

jimmy brows knitted together. "What?"

"Stop saying you love me. You don't"

jimmy was frowning now, he sat up and looked at ben for a long time before speaking.

"ben.. what are you talking about you know i do"

"I knew this was a mistake, I should've just left"

jimmy got up off the bed completely this time and slipped back into his briefs. He wasn't feeling so comfortable anymore. Something was extremely off. _What did ben mean 'he should've left?'_

"ben what are you talking about?" he was walking around to the other side of the bed watching ben get dressed. "Where are you going?" ben ignored him and was focusing on buttoning his pants. jimmy grabbed his hands and held them.

"ben! Talk to me…please" he gazed into bens eyes but he turned his head away.

"I'm leaving again"

jimmy cocked his head, "Ok, you've gone before no big-"

"And I'm not coming back" he interrupted looking back at jimmy.

jimmy felt his heart drop, "Is it something I did? ben is it something I said?"

ben softly pulled jimmys hand off of him and reached for his shirt. He kept his eyes from the younger boys gaze. jimmy reached out to turn his head back and ben grabbed his wrist.

"Don't!…don't touch me please jimmy"

"What the fuck do you mean don't touch you? Newsflash, we just made love you idiot. That requires A LOT of touching."

ben let him go and mumbled something after slipping his shirt on over his head.

"What?" jimmy asked missing what the stubborn boy had said. ben looked down at him and breathed heavily through his nose.

"I said we fucked. I fucked you, you loved it and that was it. We didn't-we didn't make love" He bent down and started putting his boots on, still never looking at jimmy.

jimmy blinked and played what he just heard over and over again in his head.

"ben…what?" his voice was beginning to crack.

"jimmy!" he said his name as if he was speaking to an intolerable kindergartener. "I'm leaving. I came to say goodbye. But it was a mistake. I had fun with you and your friends but I'm leaving"

jimmy bit his bottom lip and rubbed his hair frantically. Then suddenly the worry had turned to anger.

"_Fun_? You had fun with me ben? _That's_ what you're calling this? You're fucking lying. You love me just as much as I love you!" he was shouting now.

"I don't love you jimmy"

"Don't say that! Don't you fucking say that ben! You don't get to come here and do this to me. Why are you doing this to me?" he looked down at his trembling hands

jimmy didn't know tears were flowing from his eyes until he was catching them in his palms. He looked up at ben who was now definitely looking at him.

"jimmy, everything we've done…it's been a mistake. Me ever coming back here was a mistake. I'm not needed here. So I'm leaving." He looked away again

jimmy fell to his knees and sputtered, it felt like someone had punched him in the stomach.

"ben I…I need you, please don't, don't go please don't go." He begged.

"jimmy you're a child we both are you don't know what you want"

"Now I'm a child? Was I a child a few minutes ago" jimmy said weakly pointing at the bed behind him. ben was quiet for a moment.

"That shouldn't have happened" ben said coldly

"But it did. ben i do love you! and im not sorry for saying it, okay im not sorry that i met you, im not sorry that knowing you had made me question everything,that near death your the one that made me feel most alive" more tears threatening to fall

"you've been a horrible person, you've made all the wrong fucking choice and out of all the choice that iv made this will prove to be the worst but im not sorry that im in love with you ben! just please dont go"

ben walked over and picked him up off the floor; he wiped jimmys burning cheeks that were saturated with tears. jimmy grabbed his shirt and bunched it up in his hands. "Don't leave me, ben I'll do anything. I'll…I'll go with you!" he said looking up into bens hazel eyes. "I know you can feel it. I'm not lying. ben, I'll go with you! I'll leave this fucking place!"

ben knew he wasn't lying. But he couldn't do that. Take jimmy away from people who cared about him, thought of him as son. no this place is jimmys home. He was wanted here.

"jimmy, you're gonna have to move on. We can never be together, move on from me." he unhinged jimmy fingers from his shirt and walked over to the door. jimmy was a wreck. He couldn't see past his burning tears and his heart was thumping in his ears.

"ben, if you fucking leave, I swear if you fucking leave. I'll…"

"Bye jimmy" ben opened the door and left. jimmy shot from the bed and rushed over to the door and saw nothing. No ben. Nothing. Just the empty hall and the faint glow of the sun coming up threw the small windows.

jimmy couldn't breathe; it was as if his heart had stopped. He braced himself on the door frame and tried to catch his breath. bens gone. _He left me. He never loved me. He used me._ "I'm so fucking stupid!" he shouted and kicked his desk over knocking all of its materials to the floor.

"I'm such a fucking idiot!" he picked his gun off the floor and threw it into the wall, smashing it into large pieces. He ripped the sheets off his bed and threw them out the window. "I'm nothing to him! Nothing to anyone!" he pushed his book shelf over, it crashing loudly to the floor. Books scattered everywhere.

He picked up a random book and opened it, randomly tearing pages out the book. "Fuck! I'm fucking done. I'm fucking done! I can't do this anymore!" he walked around the room He stopped at the picture of him and ben. His stomach tightened and he vomited on the floor.

jimmy in his frenzy didn't hear the door down the hall open and the sound of someone running up. waver burst through jimmys door gun in hand looking around the room only to see him violently vomiting. He flung his gun over his shoulder and slowly approached jimmy.

"jimmy"

"Get the fuck away from me!" jimmy said looking up, eyes red and bulging with anger and misery, his entire body was shaking and he was tracking blood around the room. He had cut his foot on something on the floor. weaver had never seen him like this, he had no idea what to do. He especially didn't know what to do when jimmy charged past him, across the hall and into the nearest toilet. He chased after him and reached for the knob. The door was locked.

"jimmy! jimmy. JIMMY BOLAND let me in!"

He got no response. Instead this was a shattering sound of glass, then silence.

He stood back and prepared to run the door down until a raw scream filled the silence of the early morning.

i know ben's being a asshole at the moment but dont freak its gonna get better. hopefully


	4. Chapter 4

Ben was digging through his duffel bag looking for his toothpaste, quickly losing his patience. He was pretty sure he packed a tube before he left. He gave up on looking for it and slammed the bag shut.

This was always a ritual for him. He always went on autopilot whenever he brushed his teeth. it was a time to think things over, he never really had time to think to just sit back and ponder over things happening in his life. His mind b-lined straight for Jimmy.

_I didn't think jimmy would take me leaving so bad. He has the second mass his family, and friends. I thought I was doing the right thing. He really fucking hates me. I was only looking out for him. If I-if we would've gotten too serious it would've ended badly. Well, guess that still happened._

Ben clenched and un-clenched his jaw grinding his teeth together. _Who was that fucking joke with him? Touching all over him. jimmy is MINE. Only I can touch him like that. I need to get him back. I love jimmy. He's mine. Not his._ Ben could feel his spikes lighting up and decided it was time to cool down a bit.

Food was on his mind. He hadn't eaten since had found the 2nd mass. He showered and got dressed, swiped his hand gun off the small counter in the room and headed out.

The mess hall was probably filled with adults and fighters getting back from late night patrols, so he decided to go to one of the rooms that sells out food. He knew he was only going into camp in hopes of seeing jimmy, but he tried to tell himself that it was for the food too. When he arrived at the building, the one closest to jimmys area, he noticed only a few people were around. But it wasn't much of a surprise; ben woke up pretty early and the last of the human population planned on staying in bed. Luckily for ben, he wasn't completely human as people would put it.

When he gets inside He froze when he smelt a familiar scent._him._ He looked around and followed the sent to the other side of the room.

He approached connor who was standing with two boxes of popcorn in his hands looking at both of them with a confused ogle.

ben stood next to him and brought his eyes to the boxes, "jimmy hates anything that isn't one hundred percent" he said smugly

connor shook his head and snorted putting both boxes back.

"And exactly how would you know that?" he asked sarcastically

"Well, you know, I do know him better than you do" ben said turning his head to look at connor, who was already glaring at him.

"Lets skip the bullshit _ben_, why are you here?" connor folded his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"You know why I'm here" ben said looking over connor's body quickly. He was slightly taller than ben. His body was nice, a little toned, he clearly worked out. A strong, healthy guy. But ben could still rip him like a piece of paper.

Connor jutted his head out and knitted his brows, "If it's about jimmy you can forget about it, he's with me. Someone who _actually_ cares about him"

ben could hear the boys' heartbeat kicking up a bit.

"He doesn't love you", bens face was expressionless as he said it.

connor looked away quickly and then back.

"Yes he does". ben could hear the uncertainty.

"Look, how about you just leave, I'm sure you're a nice guy and everything but I'm back now-"

"Dude, don't fucking talk to me like I'm a child. I've had to put jimmy back together after the mess you made of him. So don't come back here and expect everything to go back to how you left it."

ben looked away. When he heard connor preparing to leave he asked quietly, "What did jimmy do? …To himself I mean." He looked up.

connor grabbed the extra butter box of popcorn and dropped it in his basket with the other things he had filled it up with. connor looked at ben and cocked his head as he started walking away. "You ask him, you caused it". And with that he turned to the next aisle.

ben pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. He wanted to do nothing more than throw the younger man through every shelf in the room and force the answer out of him. But he couldn't hurt connor. As badly as his instincts wanted to tear him to shreds, he couldn't. He'd never get jimmy back that way.

_How am I going to get close to jimmy with connor always around?_ He saw connor pass by the aisle again swiftly and grinned to himself. If he wanted a chance to speak to jimmy he'd have to move fast.

jimmy was in the basement of the house laying some movies he found and placing the blankets down in front of the couches facing the tv screen.

He stood back and looked over everything. He couldn't wait to watch the Bourne movie…again. No matter what connor said it was still awesome even though Matt Damon wasn't in it._Where is connor?_

Almost as if to answer his question he heard the basement door's open, he went and plopped into the seat.

"About time! I was beginning to think you were still mad at me for forgetting to find ''The Chronical" he said

"He likes 'The Chronical'?"

jimmy practically jumped out the chair and knocked over the movies he had out.

"ben what the fuck are you-how did you get in?" he half yelled then covered his mouth remembering people were upstairs sleeping.

ben came up close to him and he took a step back. "Why are you here?"

"I needed to see you" ben said stepping another step closer causing jimmy to take another step back.

jimmy clenched his hands into fist. "Well you've seen me…now go" he lifted his head to seem more confident.

"jimmy you don't mean that" ben took another step forward. jimmy shivered, bens eyes seemed to be looking into his soul. Seeing everything jimmy was trying to hide. How scared he was, how much we wanted this to stop, he much he didn't want it to. He took another step back his backing hitting the wall. "ben….just…don't"

ben crowded jimmy putting his hand on the wall beside his head and bent in close, "jimmy…I'm sorry"

"ben…I'm…no" he tired to push ben's chest to move him away but he didn't budge. ben ran his other hand across jimmys face as he looked fiercely into his eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did. I was wrong", he leaned in closer.

jimmy knew Ben could hear his heartbeat beating heavily. Not swiftly, but slowly and hard pumps. He jerked his face away from Ben's touch.

"Ben don't, don't touch me. You lost that right. I gave you my body and you destroyed it. I trusted you."

"jimmy I told you I didn't know…fuck jimmy…I didn't mean to hurt you!" his spikes flashed blue. "I left to save you, to help you and everyone else!"

jimmy frowned and stepped directly into ben looking him eye to eye. "ben you left for _you,_you were scared. Don't make this seem like it's my fault", he scrubbed his face with his hands, "This is _your_ fault!" he could feel his body shaking with anger. He felt a strong hand grab his wrist and lift it up.

"No jimmy! YOU did _this_" ben pulled jimmys sleeve down and shook his arm. jimmy looked away. "Get off me" he whispered.

"No. You can blame me for a lot of shit. Ok, fine. I broke your heart. I'll accept and own up to that. But you, you did this-fuck- jimmy you're not even the type to do this. Do you know this breaks my heart?"

"Get the fuck off me ben" jimmy said his voice trembling. He felt his throat swelling up.

"Why jimmy? Why did you do this?

"let go"

"Tell me why jimmy!" Ben said grabbing jimmy face to turn it to face his. jimmy broke.

'Because I wasn't myself! I had to fucking let the pain out ben! I had to get that fucking burning feeling out of me. Have you ever felt lost inside of yourself? Have you ever fucking watched yourself crumble from the inside? Seeing yourself on the outside? I was drowning. It was TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME BEN" he snatched his wrist away.

ben backed away like flame just ignited in front of his face. jimmy was different. He didn't hide his feelings with silence anymore. When he felt it he gave it to you full force. Ben shook his head.

"jimmy…that's not my fault. I…I didn't make you do that. You did that."

jimmy rubbed his wrist before speaking, quietly this time.

"I gave you my body; I've never shared myself like that with anyone. I trusted you. You asked me if I fucking trusted you, and I you used me, and didn't think twice. You took a piece of me with you when you left Ben Mason!" jimmy was crying hysterically again. ben looked like a lonely sick kitten.

"jimmy I never meant to hurt you. I love you"

"No! No! I hate you! You don't give a fuck about m-" ben lunged forward and frantically grabbed jimmy pulling him in and kissing him. jimmy was fighting, punching Ben's chest and kicking his legs but ben kept kissing him, holding him tight and close.

Suddenly he stopped fighting, his body falling into Ben's embrace. He grabbed at the back of Ben's head and pulled him in closer, kissing back into Ben's lips with force, _hope_,_love_, _pain_.

The feel of Ben's neck spikes rubbing against his fingers awoken something in him. The smell of ben's jacket, the feel of Bens hands gripping his waist. He gripped tighter when he felt his own tears slicking Ben's face. Something deep inside him ignited, he shivered and moaned into the bruising kiss.

They kept kissing until they had to break apart for air. jimmy let out a shivery breath as he dropped his head onto Ben's shoulder.

"I fucking hate you" he whispered, "I hate you".


	5. Chapter 5

After the kiss Ben and Jimmy stood together in silence, until jimmy shook his head and slipped from under the Older. Ben went to reach for his arm but he moved out the way. jimmy wiped his eyes and lifted his hands in the air.

"ben, we're not going to do this, I'm not going to do this." He sniffled,

ben shook his head and reached out running his thumb lightly across jimmys bottom lip. jimmy stepped back and frowned. This wasn't right. He was with Connor, someone who he knew would never hurt him, Connor loved him. He wouldn't be able to return the feeling. But just maybe…he could try.

"You have to go-…"

"jimmy don't act like this isn't right. You're lyi-…"

jimmy sighed heavily. "When I tried to let you know it was right you-"

"I wasn't ready for that jimmy! You can't blame me for not being ready, I was scared. I was terrified."

jimmy folded his arms and licked his lips. He and ben had gone through this before. He would tell ben how much he loved him, ben would bring all his walls up and they wouldn't get anywhere. He couldn't help but to think this time it was him. But things couldn't just change. He didn't love connor, but some feelings were there right? He wasn't with connor for just any reason.

"ben, my love should've been enough" jimmy said coldly. ben's jaw clenched before he spoke

"Well it wasn't jimmy! I don't think you're understanding that your love was hurting me, every time you looked at me it felt wrong" ben said pointing to himself. jimmy gaped and shook his head.

"ben wha-…" The door to the basement slammed shut and they both turned around to the sight of connor. He was soaking wet, his orange shirt sticking to his body showing off his toned body. His usually soft, short, tousled blonde hair was drenched and flat. His hands were balled into fist at his side and he was breathing heavily.

"You fucking slashed my tires!" He shouted in ben's direction. ben looked over to jimmy and shrugged his shoulders. connor walked quick and powerfully towards ben, grabbed his jacket collar and shoved him up against the hard wall of the basement.

"You slashed my tires so you could come here after I told you to stay away?!" he pulled his hand back and was obviously about to try and smash bens's face in before jimmy grabbed his arm and pulled him away. He pushed jimmy away from him and looked between him and ben.

"Your lips are red, and…fuck. You didn't." he said sadly. jimmy didn't have time to say anything between the time connor turned and punched ben in the jaw. ben stumbled back and rubbed at his jaw. connor wrenched his hand back and shook it.

"What the fuck! What do you have like metal plates in your face? Shit!" jimmy jumped in between the Hybrid and the naive man before ben could get his hands on him. connor grabbed jimmy and turned them away from ben. "You fucking kissed him didn't you?"

jimmy exhaled and shook his head "I…we-"

connor shook his head, getting water on jimmys face as he interrupted.

"jimmy I'm not mad at you, just fucking disappointed." jimmy brows knitted together. How could connor not be mad at him? He was the one who did wrong. He kissed ben back. They both looked over to ben when they heard him clear his throat.

connor stood up straight and cracked his knuckles, "Dude it hurts, but I'll gladly snuff you again if you don't leave".

ben raised his brows and looked over to jimmy almost as if to say 'I'm gonna bite his face off if you don't get him away from me'. jimmy took the hint and grabbed connor pulling him to his side. ben nodded and turned away before stopping in his tracks.

Dan Weaver was standing at the bottom of the steps looking at all of them with a grim look on his face. jimmy's heart almost came up his throat and out his mouth. A month after ben left he had told weaver everything. Everything. About ben and his relationship. Everything. Weaver swore he'd would take him of patrol forever if he didn't tell him what drove him to his attempted suicide. So jimmy gave in.w

weaver stepped off the bottom of the steps and gestured from connor to the steps.

"Go"

"But Dan, sir, I-"

"Connor go thats an order !" he yelled. connor glowered at ben before sulking up the steps and closing the door behind him. jimmy's lips moved to explain but weaver gave him a deadly glare signaling for him to keep his mouth shut. jimmy dropped his head and fiddled with his hands. ben closed his eyes and exhaled

"weaver. sir-"

"ben I swear if you say another word I'll shoot a hole through your chest" the weaver promised. ben shut his mouth but kept his eyes on weaver.

"You know, I've been playing over and over again what I would say to you if I ever saw you again. And it never got further than me filling you with bullets." He kept a deadly leer on ben.

"Do…do you know what you did to jimmy? I'm not even going to discuss how you raped him" jimmy's head sprung up, "Weaver!"

"JIMMY! Quiet!."

jimy couldn't. "He didn't rape me! That's not what happened!"

"jimmy!"

"Weaver!"

ben turned to weaver and shook his head. weaver continued.

"You took advantage of jimmyand made him do unspea-"

"I didn't make him do anything." ben said firmly. weaver walked until he was only inches from ben.

"Oh?"

"Weaver this is enough." Stiles chimed in. Weaver analyzed Ben's face before stepping back.

"get out Now!". ben looked at jimmy who wouldn't look his way then to weaver before nodding, walking up the steps and leaving.

jimmy started first.

"He didn't rape me", weaver scoffed

"Why are you defending him? Do you not remember the weeks of therapy and nightmares? How you would wake up screaming scaring people? Leaving in the middle of the night and going to the mason tent? Hoping he'd be there?" weaver was enunciating every word he said as if jimmy would miss them if he didn't.

"weaver I remember." jimmy whispered biting his inner cheek

"THEN . .HIM?" weaver shouted jabbing jimmy in the chest.

" . . DAN" Jimmy returned the jabs, weaver stumbled back and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I don't understand…this is…I shouldn't have to say this to you", He sighed and looked at jimmy with a livid stare

"You will not see him. You will not contact him. I will have one of popes berserker's checking to make sure you don't get within fifty feet of him". jimmy shook his head.

"You can't do that your not my dad waver..." he said softly trying not to hurt the man

"i know that jimmy! but jimmy honestly what the hell is wrong with you?" Jimmy flinched at his words

"You have connor who would probably put his life on the line for you I'm not-" he was interrupted by jimmy.

"Ok! You're right! Fine! I won't see him again. I don't even want to. How many fucking times do I have to tell the fucking world that I've moved on?!"

Weaver looked at him wide eyed, "Don't use that language with me!, if you've moved on and you actually care about yourself you'll stay away from that kid. Don't just say it. Prove it."

Dan Weaver rubbed his face tiredly and walked back up the steps. jimmy ran his fingers through his hair tugging on it in frustration before turning and kicking the rest of the dvd's off of the foot rest he was using as a surface. He turned around his face red and a heavy frown brandishing his face. He thought the door opening was weaver back to bash him more but it was connor. He sat on the floor leaning against one of the chairs bringing his head down to rest on his knees.

"I really don't feel like talking or seeing anyone"

"Then we don't have to talk. And don't look at me" he heard connor say as if his request wasn't abnormal. He felt the couch shift a bit on his back and a warm damp presence next to him. He groaned as he leaned over and rested his head on connors damp shoulder. After a few moments he broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, for…you know."

He could feel connors shoulder rise and fall with a heavy exhale of breath.

"I said its ok. Let's not even talk about it".

jimmy nodded and closed his eyes nuzzling his head to find comfort on the muscular shoulder. He closed his eyes and all he could see was bens face, the moonlight reflecting off of the hollows of his cheek bones, his bright green eyes.

Do you trust me?


	6. Chapter 6

"So, you're gonna call me before you go to bed right?"

Jimmy nodded and forced a small smile to Connor who was standing on the porch. He usually stayed overnight with jimmy but tonight he needed his space. The whole situation with Ben and Weaver was a lot to deal with. On top of connor clearly knowing that he had kissed Ben, he really just needed some space to put things together. So connor was going to stay at his own room for the night.

"Call me before you go to bed?" connor asked again, biting his lip

"Yeah…sure" jimmy said keeping the smile on his face

"Alright, love you" connor said leaning in stealing a quick kiss on jimmys forehead and heading of across camp. jimmy's smile quickly fell into an exhausted expression. He shut the door and began walking up the steps quietly. He was pretty sure weaver was back in his room. He was hoping that he was a sleep so he wouldn't have to deal with him. He couldn't make it through anymore arguing. He was emotionally drained. Somehow Ben always managed to make him feel like this. Drained, tired. Whether it was loving him too much, or worrying about him. Fucking Ben.

He reached the platform of the third story and walked past weavers room as quick as possible to avoid anymore confrontation. He wouldn't have to deal with this if he had his own place. But after his…accident, he had been in and out of therapy sessions and weaver wanted to keep an eye on him. He was on multiple different types of medications to balance out his mood. He didn't have it in him to deal with that patrolling.

Jimmy was just about to open the door to his room when he heard a clearing of the throat. He looked behind him to see weaver standing in the doorway of his bedroom with his arms folded. He looked sad, and jimmy could tell he was about to apologize, well, the way weaver knew how to apologize. He really didn't think he'd be able to handle anymore.

"Weaver I…I just want to shower and sleep."

"Jimmy…I'm sorry, I saw Ben and I just. Took it out on you and I just…I'm sorry." Weaver said his voice wavering. Jimmy shook his head lightly and walked over to embrace Weaver. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like for weaver to see him in the state he was in. For him to be worried about losing another person so close to him; Like Family. They didn't have anyone else but each other.

His held back the on coming tears and patted weaver on the back. "I'm sorry; I wasn't thinking straight, you're right. I'm…you were right".

Weaver looked like he wanted to speak again but he just nodded and stepped back into his room shutting the door. jimmy walked to his bedroom door opening it and heading straight for the bed. He flopped down on the bed, shut his eyes and exhaled. He balled up his left fist and frantically ran his other hand through his hair when he felt a cool draft breeze through his room. He exhaled and looked straight up at the ceiling.

"You're not supposed to be here…" he said

"I couldn't…" jimmy leaned up off his bed and looked at his door where Ben must have been hiding when he walked in. He looked nervous and troubled, as if something was bothering him.

"Ben, you were supposed to leave, why are you-", Ben stepped forward and raised his hand silencing Jimmy.

"Do you…do you think I raped you?" Jimmy raised his brows and shook his head. Ben looked directly at him with an unconvinced stare. "Jimmy I…what happened that night"

Jimmy jumped out of the bed a few feet away from Ben. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He never would have thought Ben would come to him with this. Not this. He looked down and away from Ben before speaking.

"Ben, like you said. I can blame you for a lot of things…for you being impossible to speak to, for being so guarded, untrusting…. But…that. You didn't do that." Jimmy said confidently. Ben took a deep breath and rubbed his palms against his jeans quickly.

"I don't Jimmy…I don't know if that's true I…you were too young, we Both were and I…you didn't know what you wanted", Jimmy looked up eyes blazing. He was sick of hearing that. He didn't want to hear that anymore.

"You know…everyone is quick to speak highly of my intelligence." Jimmy said with a wry smile. "To discuss how 'smart' I am.

Ben exhaled, not daring to pull his attention away from Jimmy.

"But for some fucking reason, when it comes to my relationships; that goes out the window" Jimmy smirked at the irony and rubbed his cheeks. They were burning.

"When it came to you, I was suddenly a child again, unable to rationalize, and make choices. That I was blind with love. Ben you know that's a lie."

Ben licked his lips and finally spoke, "Jimmy, our thing...it wasn't right." Jimmy could have burst out laughing but he chuckled instead not wanting to possibly alert weaver.

"Our thing Ben? So what, now you want to believe that you took advantage of me? That 'stupid jimmy the dumbass' got caught up in a little crush and lost all his senses? That I had no idea what I was getting myself into?That you raped me Ben?"

Ben looked away and clenched his jaw. "That's not what I said…"

Jimmy could see his thoughts going a mile a minute.

"Regardless of anything you say, you and I made love that night. That was only two years ago, and I feel exactly the same…about…what happened. I gave myself to you and you gave some of yourself to me. Weaver said what he said to hurt you, and it's not like you don't deserve some hurt. But not like that…that was wrong."

ben looked back at him and nodded, clearly accepting what jimmy was saying as true. jimmy looked away when ben looked at him like that, soft eyed and open, he wanted to run over and embrace ben, to let him know that what he had been feeling was wrong. To take the hurt away from him. But he couldn't, not after everything. How could he take someone else hurt away when he was still hurting? He always put everyone before himself. That's what had gotten him here in the first place. He softened his intent look and rubbed his neck. He never got to ask his question earlier.

"When you said, that my love was hurting you…what did you mean?" he asked, Ben looked up at him and jimmy saw the shift in his eyes, the way his body stiffened. The familiar wall had gone up. The way ben's body tensed slightly. They weren't going to get anywhere. They shouldn't get anywhere. But it was so frustrating, Ben comes back and tries to force himself into his life, then chooses when he wants to be open about his feelings.

"jimmy, I should go. Don't worry about that. It was nothing"

"It was something, tell me ben", Jimmy was shaken when Ben frowned and looked irritated

"Why do you even care jimmy? You've made it pretty clear that you don't want me. My feelings shouldn't concern you" he moved towards the bedroom window before being stopped by jimmy pushing back on his chest.

"You don't get to fucking pick and choose when you show me your feelings, no, not after everything"

"I shouldn't have come back here…but what weaver said. I just needed to make sure. I'm leaving now"

"No you're not…ben you're doing it again!" jimmy said loudly but not loud enough for weaver to hear, he was probably asleep anyway.

"jimmy move"

"No…I…ben. I…" jimmy pulled ben in and kissed him, frantically running his fingers through the Olders thick Blond hair and pulling him impossibly closer. His lips were searching and pulling for a response but couldn't find one. ben wasn't kissing him back.

"ben kiss me…kiss me back…please" jimmy said pulling at ben's collar as he kissed harder. ben grabbed jimmys wrist and pulled his hands off, lightly pushing him away. "jimmy…stop"

"No, I don't care anymore ben, I want you. I never stopped wanting you", jimmy pulled his shirt off and threw it to the floor. He reached and tried to remove Ben's jacket but his hand were stopped by Ben grabbing his arms.

"Jimmy, stop this"

"Please kiss me Ben, I'm…I'm sorry I just need-." ben shook him and looked in his eyes sternly. jimmy could feel his own heart beating frantically and his knees getting weak, he knew how pitiful he looked, but ben couldn't leave him again. He wouldn't let him.

"benI don't give a fuck about any of them I only want you, just you", ben closed his eyes and exhaled. When he opened his eyes jimmy saw something that scared him, it terrified him.

bens eyes were filling with tears, and they were red, A sad red, full of pain. Regret, guilt. In all of the time Jimmy knew ben he had never shown a sign of weakness. ben was the strong dominant person. Nothing could break him. Nothing but…

ben pulled jimmy in close against his chest and embraced him. His voice was wrecked and pained as he spoke.

"jimmy…I really fucked you up…I'm sorry...I'm so sorry"


	7. Chapter 7

Ben's P.O.V of last chapter.

* * *

It had been a few days since ben had seen jimmy. He'd decided to take a step back and look at the situation before him. jimmy was different now, he wasn't the same closed off intense little shit that ben had known him to be. His one strong unyielding wall of confidence was gone as well.

The jimmy he knew, the jimmy he thought he left behind when he went. wasn't there anymore. And he'd have to act as such.

He had thought that he'd just be able to come back and claim what was his. Surely jimmy would be waiting for him. But when jimmy had rejected him and turned him away for connor, claiming to have moved on he had moved to his next plan which involved taking. So that's what he did, he pushed jimmy up against the wall and kissed him, reminding him of what it felt like. To show him that he did want this. That he wanted ben. jimmy had even kissed him back, and at the moment it felt right, until he told ben he hated him.

ben heard the stutter in his heart beat, he knew it was a lie. But that didn't change the fact that jimmy had said it; said it as if he wished that he actually could hate ben. The lie was true, but ben couldn't help but to think that the thought was true as well.

But he pushed it to the side when connor had interrupted. Coming inside soaking wet and furious, the flicker of his eyes from ben to jimmy was enough for ben to know that connor knew what had happened between them just moments before he walked in. But he had decided to address ben instead.

weaver coming downstairs didn't make it any better. The initial shock of him appearing was enough to make him quiver a bit, but the fierylook of disdain he was given, made everything that much worse. It showed him how truly...fucked up he had left things.

weaver threatening him had been one thing, but the fact that jimmy had told him about the hybrid alien incident and fact that they had sex had caused his heart to stutter. The jimmy he knew would never in a million years tell weaver about all the alien things happening to him. The jimmy he knew would have taken it all to the grave.

Until what weaver said played over in his head.

"..you raped him"

"You took advantage of him"

It had been so new, so unexpected. The dominant voice in his head told him to ignore weavers words. To let them roll of his shoulder, because he knew he didn't rape jimmy. He didn't take advantage of him. But the smaller voice in his head spoke to him with more conviction, telling him that he did rape jimmy. That he did take advantage of him.

The small voice was relentless. For something so soft, so low, it easily over powered the louder voice until all he could hear was multiple small voices, whispering through the many cracks and crevices of his mind.

He tried speaking to himself. Telling himself that he was fine that he didn't take jimmy and he needed to, for a lack of better words, cut it the fuck out. But of course he lost to the smaller self, being unsure of his own character.

If he was going to feel this way, he needed to feel this way because the person who he had allegedly "taken advantage" of said so.

ben liked to tell himself that leaving had changed him for the better. That he had actually gained some type of development of character. weavers words shouldn't have even have been able to do this to him. But yet, here he was heading back in the direction of the house.

He walked a few houses down and ran the rest of the way. When he got close to the house he could hear them speaking inside.

"...Just want to shower and sleep"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight"

He made his way around the house and climbed quickly up the wall and through jimys window before the door opened and stood adjacent from it. Just then the younger man stumbled through, yes man, jimmy wasn't a boy anymore, and flopped on to his bed. It was just a few seconds before he made it known that he was aware of bens presence.

That's when ben confronted him about what weaver had said.

"Do you...do you think I raped you?"

"ben, like you said. I can blame you for a lot of things…for you being impossible to speak to, for being so guarded, untrusting…. But…that. You didn't do that."

That should've been enough for him. At that he should've accepted what jimmy had said and moved on. But again his insecurity got in the way and he questioned him again. Telling him that he couldn't have possibly known the decision he was knew he was wrong saying this. But his brain to mouth filter was jammed.

"You know…everyone is quick to speak highly of my intelligence. To discuss how smart I am'. But for some fucking reason, when it comes to my relationships; that goes out the window"

jimmys words had left him speechless. The aggravated assertion in his eyes as he spoke ensnared ben.

"When it came to you, I was suddenly a child again, unable to rationalize, and make choices. That I was blind with love. ben you know that's a lie."

They bantered a bit more after that, with jimmy helping ben come to the realization that he hadn't raped him.

And then..

And then jimmy had asked him about what he meant. What he meant when he had said that jimmy's love was hurting him. And ben just didn't want to go there. Not yet, he didn't deserve to talk about his feelings. Mentioning it had been wrong before, he had no right. ben was the only one who deserved to be hurt, to express and react to what he was feeling. And he had stayed too long as it was. So he told jimmy he was leaving.

And jimmy reacted.

Grabbing him by his collar and wrenching him into a kiss, the kiss wasn't what ben wanted. It wasn't sweet, it wasn't soft. It was aggressive and desperate. Too harsh and too heavy. The kind of kiss pornstars gave each other, with all the intent there but none of the actual feeling...or love.. Not what he wanted. Then jimmy began begging and pleading for him to kiss him back. He fucking started taking his clothes off. So ben stopped him.

He grabbed his wrists and stopped him.

"ben I don't give a fuck about any of them I only want you, just you" he said. It wasn't a lie. And that was a problem.

ben didn't like using hi body to lure ben in. The kissing, the taking his clothes off. Ok, so ben didn't rape him. But the sexual advancements were starting to bother him. How easily jimmy was willing to give himself to ben again. Even after talking about what him leaving had put him through.

jimmy still wanted him. The change of his heartbeat when he and ben were in the same room was the same as before. The faint smell of arousal filling the room was the same as well. But this person jimmy had become in his absence..because of his absence isn't what he wanted.

Seeing this broken person in front of him. Bearing a broken soul and offering it up again, to possibly be wrecked again bothered him. It angered him to know that this was his fault. That he had done this. This wasn't his jimmy. This was someone else. The shell of someone he once knew.

This isn't what he wanted. So he was going to take a step back and look at the situation before him. And figure out how to fix this.

Figure out how to get his jimmy back.

* * *

thankyou for All the reviews and i really hope you like where the story is going, dont worry things will get better i promise.

until then keep reviewing please! it helps to know people are reading and liking and i will see you soon:)


	8. Chapter 8

"Thanks. I'm gonna uh, fill these out and bring them back on...Wednesday?"

The young girl at the information tent smiled and nodded. "You got it, my names Michelle so if you need me I'll be here again on Wednesday. I'll get you all registered and we can go on from there." She smiled and nodded again. jimmy thanked her and responded to her smile with a slight upturn of his lips and moved out of line.

He made his way out the tent keeping to himself and trying to avoid as many crowds as possible on his way to his room.

He wasn't in a smiling or speaking mood at all. He actually hasn't been for two years. It wasn't that he hasn't been happy for two years, but more of him having to dealing with a lingering sadness. A shadowing depression that sat at the back of his mind and never seemed to go away.  
had recommended a few things; like maybe taking up painting, or exercise, maybe even writing things out. But what was the point of it all when he had no motivation behind it?No will.  
He would go on jogs with connor, the other man usually having to drag him out of bed and beg to him to come along but he did it. Not because he wanted to, but because he knew it'd make connor happy. weaver as well.

Ann didn't like that report...

The therapy sessions he was involved in now weren't as...intense as the ones he had taken a year ago, but Maggie had demanded that he continue on with it. So the meetings that were once scheduled for everyday became scattered throughout the month.

He still had to take his anti-depressants.

Which he was pretty sure weaver, maggie and connor would soon notice that he had stopped taking about a month ago. He didn't fucking like them. They tasted like shit and they made him put on weight; and they didn't really make him happy. They just made him numb. So instead of feeling sadness he just felt...nothing.

jimmy started across another camp site, He had decided from the moment he left his room that he wanted to go to the feild. To see the other children play football and shriek excitedly when one of them almost got tagged.

Younger Children made him happy. Their innocence. Their extraordinary privilege to be completely naive and trusting of the world around them, save for 'strangers' and scary dogs. He had once been like that, everyone had. Even ben. But there comes a point when it's taken. Innocence snatched from small, underdeveloped fingers and suddenly you're pushed into this world of...responsibility, and fear, war and death and Aliens. And suddenly the world isn't so bright and colorful anymore.

It helped him to constantly be reminded that someone was genuinely and completely happy. To see someone at their best. And that would always be children.

All of his depression wasn't completely because of ben. Which people like connor, weaver and even ben himself couldn't seem to believe. Sure, ben had been the catalyst for it. But every single thing that made jimmys' eyes suddenly go dead or body slump forward wasn't because of ben leaving him. There were an array of things.

How his family had just died. How one day they was here. And then the next day they was gone. Him having to fend for himself a lot of the time.

There was him not being where he should be in life right now. Where he wanted to be. How everyone else seemed to be moving ahead and he was still stuck. It was more than just heartbreak that was fucking with his spirit and soul.

Life just...it's not easy for jimmy. It's hard for him to be happy anymore. It was once so easy to cover up his hurt with a sarcastic joke or quickly obliterate a frown when felix made a stupid joke. But now, now he was just tired of pretending. He couldn't pretend. Tired of holding up a guise of 'I'm fine' of 'I'm ok'.

And the worst part is...he doesn't want help. The help doesn't do anything but make it all worse. Makes him want to snap in half and fall to the floor and cry and scream out his troubles and shortcomings and pain. He doesn't want to be asked 'Whats wrong?', god...that fucking question. How does one answer that when everything is wrong?

Before jimmy knows it he's running past the felid and is bearing the border of the second mass's perimeter. The tears in his eyes are burning and he's so fucking sick of crying to. Sick of everything in his life.

jimmy just wants to be left alone. No ben. No weaver. No connor. No maggie.

He just...

He just wants it all to end.


	9. Chapter 9

Jimmy found himself out of the second mass's safe zone and in some small town a bit, out of the way of where the other where.

When his family had been alive they made frequent trips to New York to visit, And jimmy really hated that everyone talked about how much he must be hurting still. to be alone. It hurt him so much because its true.

He has moments when he may look in the mirror for too long after a shower and he'll feel the air get sucked out of his body. Seeing them looking right back at him through his eyes. One would believe that's its comforting; buts far from it because there not here.

jimmy stops his running into a slow jog just as he comes up to a old decent looking comfort inn .

Taking a deep inhale of the different air. The air that didn't belong to the second mass, that had became thick and consuming; it was cool, airy, refreshing.

It's refreshing until he spots something that he's positive makes the air around him burning hot as his body radiates his frustrations from his building fury.

He watches the blond teen stop a couple of feet away climbing off his motorbike and walking up to the front of the hotel and grinds his teeth. No sooner than he stops his walk just a few feet away jimmys storming over to him catching him off guard a little, pushing him back causing Ben to knock into his bike and fumble to the ground. "Ben, what the fuck are you doing here!?"

The older looks at him with hands raised and the corners of his lips turned up just a bit. "I followed y-"

"No shit Sherlock! I'm miles away from the second mass! Miles! Why did you-"

Ben dusts himself off and begins to stand up to his feet. Causing jimmy to take a step back though he really doesn't want to.

"We have to sort this out jimmy. I have to make it up to you. Give me two weeks."

Jimmys jaw drops and he just stares at ben. He's fucking unbearable, unbelievable, selfish. "No way! No fucking-"

ben shrugs "I'm not leaving jimmy. And I'll just follow you to another place or back to the second mass."

jimmy is pretty sure he growls when he pushes into bens chest. "Go! Go away! I told you we're done! I'm gone!"

ben stumbles back as jimmy pushes him and ends up backed up against his motorbike again. "jimmy I'm not-"

jimmy smacks ben in the face, as hard as he can muster. It's a...'girly' thing to do but punching would hurt him more than it would ben; though his hand is stinging, but that's a given.

"Stay away from me." Is all he says as he pushes ben against the motorbike again just to get his point across.

"Fucking Mason" is all he mutters as he power walks into the hotel.

* * *

Thank you for all the positive reviews it means a lot and sure enough i will be updating again very soon.

keep reviewing it lets me know you like and want me to keep doing so!

see you soon


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